Was It Really A Mistake ?

Anthony Dufresne Dating and Relationships, Podcasts

What is a mistake, anyway?

We all have those times where we are confused about a decision or action being a mistake or not…and the confusion comes from their ego making judgments along with how the people around us have judged my action or what I’ve said.

So, is something a mistake or not?…here’s how to determine…

A true mistake is considered an act that is not consistent with your true self…it’s more of a reaction based on an ego button or ignorance.

And, something is NOT a mistake when it actually does represent your TRUE SELF, but you are thinking it MIGHT be a mistake because your ego is trying to control you through SHAME or GUILT.

The ego doesn’t want to reinforce a behavior that would challenge the belief system that the ego thinks is the truth…which comes from FEAR…

So, the ego creates this SECOND GUESSING in the head…and now we are confused!

Here’s the solution to determining if a mistake was made or not…

Pull back…take a “bigger picture” look at the situation, and go back to the events (including the thought process) that led to the “mistake” action. Determine the “FORCES” that led to your decision to act out.

If your decision was an ACTION…which means it came from a centered place where you were expressing your true feelings or thoughts without the primary intention to lash out or harm anyone, then it was not a mistake (now, this does not pertain to life or death situations where you’re defending your life by shooting someone…TRUE self preservation is what it is)

…that’s where the ego fucks us up because it thinks we are in self preservation mode even in the most non-threatening situations like competition with someone or thinking the other person isn’t respecting us like they should.

If your decision was a REACTION…that is an action formed and acted from an immediate ego response to defend yourself because your ego believes you are much more fragile than you really are…the ego is like a helicopter mom…

Most of the time, if it’s an ACTION, it comes from a much more grounded place, with appropriate amounts of emotion…which could be deep in some circumstances but usually not super sharp, like cutting…

So, if after analysis, you decide, yes, that was a mistake…

Then, own it immediately as a mistake (or a misrepresentation of your true self)

and…apologize…or begin to take actions to make the situation “right”

In the “dating” scenario is usually comes down to not understanding the other persons boundaries or expectations yet…in this case, there’s no getting around making mistakes as new relationship boundaries are formed and expectations in context are discovered…each person should give the other some wiggle room for discovery during this time.

In the “relationship” scenario, there are already expectations and boundaries known (or expected to be known and understood), which leads to a perception that the other person does not “care” enough to remember or they just “don’t get it” yet. Which may or may not be the case,

but this is where COMMUNICATION is the KEY…these are the formative discussions couples need to have in order to create stronger, more lasting and deeper relationships.

Now, this is actually a point to do a little re-assessment of the relationship.

…Expectations, boundaries, priorities…individually and collectively

…are they in alignment?…or, is there enough agreement/overlap so you can both benefit from the other person being in your life?

If you don’t think they are…then first you have GOT TO do some personal inventory and decide what changed since the beginning…did you, did she, did both of you??

And, ultimately, going forward, is it a mistake to continue on with this person you have in your life??