3 Proven Steps to Keep You from Losing It

Anthony Dufresne Dating and Relationships, Millennial Life Issues, Podcasts Leave a Comment

I have a feeling, after this week, that I should offer up 3 Proven Steps to Keep You from Losing It.

When I say “losing it” I mean, it’s when you cross over from being annoyed, or even super-pissed to foaming-at-the-mouth ranting, eyes of fire, machine-gunning expletives, uncontrollable crying, aneurism-inducing, effin’ mother effin’ FURIOUS! (Ex. Hulk, Tasmanian Devil, Charlie Sheen on an average day).

I realized this would be a great topic for this week only after acknowledging the fact that I REALLY needed to do these steps myself.  Seriously, after two years of doing this show, this was the most difficult week to be able to sit down and figure out what the hell I was going to talk about.

I mean, it’s Thursday night and I’m just writing this out now (usually I’ve already posted the show and am spit-balling topics for next week).

You know when you come up against a wall and there appears to be no real reason why there’s a wall planted right in front of you…mocking you and your every move…then you just get pissed that you can’t get it done? Queue the downward spiral.

It took me a little Mindfulness break, which included downing an entire box of those new toffee Girl Scout cookies…much appreciated you little badge-hungry sugar pushers!), to finally realize I was blocking myself by not addressing the anger and frustration I was carrying inside of my tiny potato brain.

Clearly I was not ok with all the shit that went down here in the U.S. with the actions taken by the new administration.  For your benefit, I will not get into specifics…perhaps we can chat about that later, over a drink or six.

So, I did some healthy yelling at the television and mild venting to the sorry sons-a-bitches that happened to cross my path, thinking that those actions and my established “groundedness” (not sure if that’s a word) would keep my head clear and ready to create content.

Nope…I got sucked into all the crap and then vented and then tried to focus on writing the show, and, what a shocker, I was blocked, like a kid’s colon after consuming an entire package of American Cheese in one sitting (including some wrapped slices, from what I can remember).

What I didn’t do is practice what I preach…yep, happens to all of us at one time or another.

What I didn’t do was use the 3 proven steps I’m going to share with you that will quickly and effectively ground you and get your mind right so you can get back to the more important aspects of your life, like improving on your plan for world domination. (Side Note: if you need any ideas for that, just Google Stalin or Dr. Evil or Steve Bannon).

Just for being such a good sport, I would like to provide you with a way to get my latest FREE mini-guide.  This one is all about 7 Proven Phrases That Will Immediately Bring More Love, Money and Happiness Into Your Life.  Here’s the link      http://wp.me/P7LiCb-i1

So, to make these steps easy to remember, I’m going to use the same directions we already follow if and when we find ourselves on fire…the three steps are Stop, Drop and Roll.

  1. Step 1 is to STOP. This is what the psychology community calls a “pattern interrupt”. And, in this case I want you to Yell, “Okay!” when you find yourself at that part of your rant where you’re either a bumbling saliva projection machine or your so pissed you’re making up your own words.  Personally, I usually accompany the yelling with standing up or at least putting my hands up like I’m surrendering to the authorities after they finally discover my black market Chihuahua pajama manufacturing operation.   This step is used to “shock” you out of your rage flow…you are using the big, thinking rationale part of your brain along with your physical body in order to “snap you out” of an almost unconscious state of pissed.  When you do this correctly and with enough force, it will feel like you just woke yourself up from a “Walking Dead” type nightmare.  Then, in that brief moment, before you allow yourself to remember why you were losing it, you must immediately “DROP”.


  1.  Now, if you happened to literally be on fire, this step would have you “drop” to the ground.  The first step gets you to focus and this step gets you to take your first action needed to put yourself out.  And the same thing applies in our case, even though it’s a lot less traumatic than actually “being on fire”.  The “drop” in this case is about dropping to a grounded state, taking that first step to take you from the heights of your rage, down to a calmer and more balanced perspective.  This step is when your “thinking” mind starts to take over for your emotional reactive mind as you begin to collect your thoughts and gain some perspective on things and realize that you can have strong feelings about something without hitting an 11 on the rage scale.  Because, we all know in hindsight, that really losing your shit rarely ends up to be a good step on your way to handling an issue.  Personally, I like to take a deep breath in order to align my physical system with a more balanced state of mind, then I use the trigger word, “Perspective”…sometimes I have to say the word three or four times in a row before my mind hooks onto to it and actually hears it.  And I know when this happens because at that moment I immediately feel my shoulders go down, like a giant tension release.  After that, I go down a list of “realities” that ground me, in this case I suggest you start big picture and work your way down.  Here’s how that works: Start with, “ok, the world is not ending today…I’m not the only one that feels this way, at this point I’m ok…and now I’m in control of myself…I got this”.  Once you hit that point where you feel as though you can re-visit your irritation without losing it, then you’ve hit that sweet spot where you are now ready to “Roll”.


  1. The last step is to “Roll”…and in our case, that means to “Take Action”. If you were actually on fire, this step is the action needed to put the fire out.  And in our case, this action will put out your rage fire and focus you into positive action that will help to create some level of change.  Now, more than likely you’ll be all fired up (no pun intended) and want to take all sorts of action, maybe even talk about taking some steps that, deep down you know there’s no way it’s gonna happen, like, for example, being completely bent about the recent immigration injustices to the point where you’re seriously considering writing to every elected official, starting up your own petition on Change.org, running for office yourself, or booking a flight to DC and picketing with your tastefully worded home-made sign along the fence line of the White House.  And, as much as I respect your depth of caring, we both know all or even most of these actions will not happen.  And, that’s ok, because, at this point, your best bet is to start small and work your way up.  Being in this riled up but controlled state of mind is a great place to be because you now have internal momentum to actually do something, to take some action and see it through.  So, why not, at this point, set yourself up for success by choosing something that you can quickly and easily finish.  This way, you’ve followed through and done something that you said you were going to do, you feel great about contributing to an issue that you care about, and you have now created additional momentum to plan out another action that may be a little more involved than the first action.  Sticking with my example, it would look like first, sitting down and writing a direct, but respectful email to my House Representative and my two Senators.  And, after getting an additional charge from letting them know how I feel, I will then look into maybe donating to an organization that is fighting the new policy or starting a search to see if they are any local efforts that are being organized to help the cause in my hometown.


So, to summarize, when you are on the verge of or in the act of losing your shit…just remember…

  1. Stop – Interrupt your rage flow

  2. Drop – Use your big thinking brain and ground yourself

  3. And Roll – Plan and finish an action step that gives some value to your rage stroke.

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